Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2018 18:08:47 GMT
Hey, guys.
I want to start off by apologizing to everyone here, for making an abrupt leave and being silent in these forums. It was not meant to be a slight. I was at my lowest point with depression, and did things I regret. One of the things I did, and you likely noticed, was that I removed a number of you from my Friends Lists on PSN. I even blocked you, for no reason other than foolishness. For that, I am sorry, and regret that action. If you took offense or shock to that, PLEASE know that I did not do that intentionally. As I said earlier, I was at a VERY low point. Depression messed with my mind. Again, I completely regret my actions. You guys have been nothing short of understanding, loving and caring, and I was too blind to see that. I see it now. So, that being said, as soon as I finish typing this, I am going to resend PSN invites to you. I assure you, this will never ever happen again, no matter what mood I am in.
I wanted to elaborate on the things that I had gone through in my life prior to the coming of 2018, meaning that I am going to do with you something that I SHOULD have done. I've done it already with my psychiatrist, my family and my outside friends, and now, it's time I owned up to you. I am bearing my deepest self, so you know me for who I truly am.
Yes, you know that I deal with depression. I take meds for it. And depression has ravaged me in ways that have legitimately gotten in the way of my quality of living.
Depression is a tricky thing to deal with, because it messes with your mind and belief systems in ways that wholly interfere with your life -- in ways you can't always control.
So, let's be real. Depression has caused me to do a lot of dumb things. Among them, erasing friends from my PSN friend's lists and blocking them, for no reason. The demons of Depression lead me to believe that you weren't REALLY my friends and, at worst, they make you think that you hate me. Deep down, I know that isn't true. Depression feeds you lies, seduces you into its twisted mechanics of disrupting rational thought. I think, for me, it kicked into overdrive when Fuse disbanded, the result of a debacle that, I felt,I may have had something to do with.
I thought the disbanding of Fuse was my fault. Although there were numerous other factors that lead into it, culminating in years of collected animosities, I felt I was the spark that ignited the flame. And since then, I blamed myself for the incident. Harambe's Hideaway has been nothing short of helpful in my rehabilitation, but I still felt guilty and alone.
So, I left it behind. I removed many of you from my PSN friend's lists, and blocked you. It was not because I hated you guys. I hated myself. I felt you were better off without me, and I thought I was doing you a favor, by not bringing your mood down with my problems. I suffered in silence.
That was months ago. Fast forward to 2018.
It was on the first of January, of this new year, when I decided I was going to fight back against my depression, and stop it from ruining my life.
After months of being off my medication for Prozac, I've gotten back on it. It's become a necessary supplement in combating my depression and anxiety and, so far, it is working.
But taking meds wasn't enough, I had to take it a step further. I noticed that my habit of drinking soda every single day (sometimes three in one day) was contributing to my depression and making me feel even more crummy. So, one of my friends (my best friend's sister , who works part time for a company that develops health and well being products) texted me and suggested that I "detox" my body of all the bad sugar and chemicals that have ravaged my body over the years. So I'm on a nutritional program, eating the right foods. And I'm happy to report that I have eliminated my dependency on soda.
I know you guys aren't into Facebook and Instagram (Tidus is, and we are friends there) but I had to reconnect to those social media networks. Instagram is mainly for posting my artwork and stuff, and I've rediscovered my love for drawing by sketching one piece a day. So far, I have 55 works posted, one for each day of the year so far.
I feel better than I ever have, and my depression is now a lot more manageable. I've felt less moody, and my anxiety is all but completely curbed. I am doing things I never thought I'd do.
And now, I'm coming back here with a renewed mindset, and a wholly different outlook and perspective.
I know I've made mistakes far too many times before, especially when it started to rub the wrong way, but please bear in mind---none of it was intentional. You guys here are forever a part of my life as everyone else in my outside life. Friends, family, community, I've finally embraced the importance of what it means. Although I will still struggle with depression every now and then, it's gotten to the point where I can fight it head on, and stave it off, refusing to let it interfere with my life any longer.
I'm taking my life back.
Anyway, I just bore my soul to you guys. I only do this with people I trust, and that includes you. I trust you, and I embrace you as a part of my extended family. I apologize for my actions, and regret the mistakes I've made, and the things I've done. The things I've said. From this point forward, you're seeing an improved KFB, one that won't take any crap, and one that is more confident and, well HAPPIER, than ever.
Thanks for reading this TL:DR post, guys. I'm so happy to be home.
BTW, I hope I didn't post this in the wrong place, if I did, feel free to move it, redirect it, whatever
I want to start off by apologizing to everyone here, for making an abrupt leave and being silent in these forums. It was not meant to be a slight. I was at my lowest point with depression, and did things I regret. One of the things I did, and you likely noticed, was that I removed a number of you from my Friends Lists on PSN. I even blocked you, for no reason other than foolishness. For that, I am sorry, and regret that action. If you took offense or shock to that, PLEASE know that I did not do that intentionally. As I said earlier, I was at a VERY low point. Depression messed with my mind. Again, I completely regret my actions. You guys have been nothing short of understanding, loving and caring, and I was too blind to see that. I see it now. So, that being said, as soon as I finish typing this, I am going to resend PSN invites to you. I assure you, this will never ever happen again, no matter what mood I am in.
I wanted to elaborate on the things that I had gone through in my life prior to the coming of 2018, meaning that I am going to do with you something that I SHOULD have done. I've done it already with my psychiatrist, my family and my outside friends, and now, it's time I owned up to you. I am bearing my deepest self, so you know me for who I truly am.
Yes, you know that I deal with depression. I take meds for it. And depression has ravaged me in ways that have legitimately gotten in the way of my quality of living.
Depression is a tricky thing to deal with, because it messes with your mind and belief systems in ways that wholly interfere with your life -- in ways you can't always control.
So, let's be real. Depression has caused me to do a lot of dumb things. Among them, erasing friends from my PSN friend's lists and blocking them, for no reason. The demons of Depression lead me to believe that you weren't REALLY my friends and, at worst, they make you think that you hate me. Deep down, I know that isn't true. Depression feeds you lies, seduces you into its twisted mechanics of disrupting rational thought. I think, for me, it kicked into overdrive when Fuse disbanded, the result of a debacle that, I felt,I may have had something to do with.
I thought the disbanding of Fuse was my fault. Although there were numerous other factors that lead into it, culminating in years of collected animosities, I felt I was the spark that ignited the flame. And since then, I blamed myself for the incident. Harambe's Hideaway has been nothing short of helpful in my rehabilitation, but I still felt guilty and alone.
So, I left it behind. I removed many of you from my PSN friend's lists, and blocked you. It was not because I hated you guys. I hated myself. I felt you were better off without me, and I thought I was doing you a favor, by not bringing your mood down with my problems. I suffered in silence.
That was months ago. Fast forward to 2018.
It was on the first of January, of this new year, when I decided I was going to fight back against my depression, and stop it from ruining my life.
After months of being off my medication for Prozac, I've gotten back on it. It's become a necessary supplement in combating my depression and anxiety and, so far, it is working.
But taking meds wasn't enough, I had to take it a step further. I noticed that my habit of drinking soda every single day (sometimes three in one day) was contributing to my depression and making me feel even more crummy. So, one of my friends (my best friend's sister , who works part time for a company that develops health and well being products) texted me and suggested that I "detox" my body of all the bad sugar and chemicals that have ravaged my body over the years. So I'm on a nutritional program, eating the right foods. And I'm happy to report that I have eliminated my dependency on soda.
I know you guys aren't into Facebook and Instagram (Tidus is, and we are friends there) but I had to reconnect to those social media networks. Instagram is mainly for posting my artwork and stuff, and I've rediscovered my love for drawing by sketching one piece a day. So far, I have 55 works posted, one for each day of the year so far.
I feel better than I ever have, and my depression is now a lot more manageable. I've felt less moody, and my anxiety is all but completely curbed. I am doing things I never thought I'd do.
And now, I'm coming back here with a renewed mindset, and a wholly different outlook and perspective.
I know I've made mistakes far too many times before, especially when it started to rub the wrong way, but please bear in mind---none of it was intentional. You guys here are forever a part of my life as everyone else in my outside life. Friends, family, community, I've finally embraced the importance of what it means. Although I will still struggle with depression every now and then, it's gotten to the point where I can fight it head on, and stave it off, refusing to let it interfere with my life any longer.
I'm taking my life back.
Anyway, I just bore my soul to you guys. I only do this with people I trust, and that includes you. I trust you, and I embrace you as a part of my extended family. I apologize for my actions, and regret the mistakes I've made, and the things I've done. The things I've said. From this point forward, you're seeing an improved KFB, one that won't take any crap, and one that is more confident and, well HAPPIER, than ever.
Thanks for reading this TL:DR post, guys. I'm so happy to be home.
BTW, I hope I didn't post this in the wrong place, if I did, feel free to move it, redirect it, whatever
